bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
