i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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