this beer tastes like vomit already
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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