Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
