Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
