I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
