Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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