Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
