after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
