She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
