well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
