How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
