I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
