well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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