Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you inspire me to be a worse person
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
