I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
