I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
