I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
