An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
