I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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