Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
