we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
