Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
