Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
