Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
