you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
