My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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