dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
