Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
