She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
