No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
