What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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