I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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