we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
