Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
