your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
