you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
