I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're too hungover to prance.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
