I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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