somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
