She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
