I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
