i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
