Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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