If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
