I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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