We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
