My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
