So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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