I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
