I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
