I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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