9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
