shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
BRING THE BAGELS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
