I faked an abortion last night.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
