I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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