I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
