Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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