You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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