the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
