38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
