if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We had to coat check the pizza.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
