the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
