hotel room ftw
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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