Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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