I hate your face
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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