you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize