The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
