i jhust puked up my retainher.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
