Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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