I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
