He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
