what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
