he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
