one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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