we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
