why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
